IS MARRIAGE BECOMING UNFASHIONABLE?

MARRIAGE has long been considered a sacred institution, a bond between two individuals that was meant to last a lifetime.

However, the rate at which couples are divorcing in Zambia, and the number of those who suffer in silence until they hack each other to death is worrying and must be a source of concern for all of us.

With latest statistics showing that Zambia recorded a record-breaking 36,000 divorce cases in courts in 2023, the future of the marriage institution looks bleak.

The number could even be much higher because this record is only for those who divorce through courts and this involves those who undergo statutory marriages and this means those who go the traditional way are not counted.

Apart from this unfortunate situation, there is the group that remains in marriage even when it is no longer fashionable to do so and end up killing each other, further making the whole institution seem like one of a thousand ways to die but where are we getting it wrong as a country?

One of the main reasons modern day marriages are failing is the changing societal norms and expectations. In the past, marriage was often seen as a duty or obligation, with individuals expected to stay together regardless of their personal happiness. However, in today’s society, there is much more emphasis on individual happiness and fulfilment. This has led to individuals feeling less inclined to stay in a marriage that is not meeting their needs or making them happy.

Another factor contributing to the failure of modern day marriages is the increase in financial stress and insecurity. With the rising cost of living and stagnant wages, many couples struggle to make ends meet. Financial stress can put a strain on a marriage, leading to arguments and disagreements over money. Additionally, financial insecurity can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction within a marriage, ultimately leading to its downfall.

Furthermore, the rise of social media and technology has also had an impact on modern day marriages. With the constant presence of social media, individuals are exposed to a seemingly endless stream of idealized relationships and lifestyles. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and comparison within a marriage, causing individuals to question their own relationship and ultimately leading to dissatisfaction.

Communication issues are another common reason why modern day marriages fail. In today’s fast-paced world, many couples struggle to find the time to communicate effectively with one another. This can lead to misunderstandings, pent-up frustrations, and ultimately, a breakdown in the relationship. Without open and honest communication, it can be difficult for couples to work through their issues and maintain a strong and healthy marriage.

On the other hand, infidelity, the act of being unfaithful to a partner by engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else, is a common issue that plagues many relationships and marriages. The prevalence of infidelity in modern society can be attributed to a variety of factors, including changing societal norms, increased opportunities for extramarital affairs, and individual factors such as insecurity and lack of communication.

One of the main reasons for the high rate of infidelity in relationships today is the changing societal norms and attitudes towards monogamy. In the past, monogamy was seen as the norm and adultery was heavily frowned upon. However, in today’s society, there is a greater emphasis on individual freedom and autonomy, leading some individuals to prioritize their own desires and needs over the commitment to their partner. This shift in attitude towards relationships has made it easier for individuals to rationalize and justify engaging in extramarital affairs.

Another factor contributing to the prevalence of infidelity is the increased opportunities for cheating in the modern world. With the rise of technology and social media, individuals have greater access to potential partners and can easily connect with others outside of their relationship. Dating apps, social networking sites, and messaging platforms make it easier for individuals to engage in secretive and illicit relationships, leading to a higher likelihood of infidelity.

Individual factors also play a significant role in the high rate of infidelity in relationships. Insecurity, low self-esteem, and a lack of emotional fulfilment in a relationship can drive individuals to seek validation and satisfaction outside of their partnership. Additionally, poor communication and unresolved conflicts within a relationship can create feelings of resentment and disconnection, pushing individuals towards seeking intimacy and connection with someone else.

There are several steps that couples can take to strengthen their relationship and prevent it from falling apart. Effective communication is key to a healthy and successful marriage. Couples should prioritize open and honest communication, actively listening to each other’s concerns, and expressing their own thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. Regularly checking in with each other and discussing any issues or conflicts can help prevent misunderstandings and build a stronger connection.

Spending quality time together is essential for maintaining a strong bond in a marriage. Couples should make an effort to prioritize each other and engage in activities that they both enjoy. Whether it’s going on date nights, taking a weekend getaway, or simply spending time at home together, carving out time for each other can help reinforce the emotional connection between partners.

If a marriage is facing challenges that seem insurmountable, seeking the help of a professional therapist or counsellor can be beneficial. A trained therapist can provide guidance, support, and tools to help couples navigate through difficult issues, improve communication, and strengthen their relationship.

It’s important for couples to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to the strain in their marriage. This may involve addressing past traumas, working through unresolved conflicts, or addressing individual issues such as insecurity or lack of fulfilment. By facing these issues head-on and working together to find solutions, couples can strengthen their relationship and prevent it from collapsing.

Forgiveness and empathy are essential components of a healthy marriage. Couples should be willing to forgive each other for past mistakes and show empathy towards each other’s perspectives and feelings. By practicing compassion and understanding, couples can build a stronger foundation of trust and mutual respect in their relationship.

Saving a marriage from collapsing requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to work together towards a common goal. By prioritizing communication, spending quality time together, seeking professional help when needed, addressing underlying issues, and practicing forgiveness and empathy, couples can strengthen their bond and prevent their marriage from falling apart.

It is important for couples to remember that a successful marriage takes work, but with dedication and mutual support, it is possible to overcome challenges and build a lasting and fulfilling relationship.